Earlier this week, Annie asked me if I could send her the Christmas Card mailing list. Sure, no problem. I dug through a couple of desktop folders and finally found that little document. “Hmm!” I thought, “This hasn’t been updated since 2012. There’s got to be something more current than this.”
I did some more searching before concluding that I must have been sending Annie the info in some different form for the last couple of years, I’ll probably remember sometime around three in the morning. I shrugged and decided this document could use an update anyway.
Let’s see…these two broke up, that address is obsolete. Our relationship with this person has long since dissolved. It takes a lot for us to officially declare a relationship as dissolved. I can honestly say that our life has improved drastically since this person became a part of our past. Delete it.
Moving on, that address is good, so’s this one . . .
Oh.
It’s Grandma’s address. Grandma passed away back in February.
Looks like there will be one less place setting for Thanksgiving this year.
It’s funny how such a practical bit of info can bring back such an emotional flood. There was so much of my childhood spent at that address. So much laughter, running, jumping, climbing, swimming, and snacks, memories of me and my siblings and cousins all in our sleeping bags, practically piled on top of each other, it must have looked like a juvenile version of Jonestown.
There was a lot of Love, that house was saturated with Love.
A new family now lives at that House. I pray that like us, they are creating great memories under its roof. After nearly a decade of sheltering a mourning widow, that house can really use a family again.
Family—my family. I have often wondered if there were no familial bonds, if these persons were merely strangers, would there still be friendship? Or would the person who would have been my Uncle or Cousin merely be someone I give a friendly nod to as we pass each other in the grocery store. I don’t think it would be an unfriendly situation by any stretch of the word, but without extraordinary circumstances bringing us together, I do not really see friendships developing if there were no relations. Frankly it’s all a difficult thing for me to think about, seeing as I’m talking about individuals I cannot imagine my life without.
Thank God there were extraordinary circumstances that brought us together!
You choose friends, not family and that fact neither diminishes nor enhances the importance of either.
So how did this seemingly random group of individuals all end up together? An entire tapestry weaved up to where we are, linked by familial relationships and Love. All we’re doing is weaving the next panel of this tapestry. Everyone stands on big shoulders.
They say no one is truly an island, that we are all connected somehow. Nowhere else does it ring truer for me than with my family. The older I get, I feel like I become a little more aware of the undercurrents, the modestly sublime and the tiny sparks of life. Occasionally, I think I feel the subtle tug of that invisible thread that seems to connect everything.
I’m learning to slow down, once in a while the Universe gives me a chance to see a little bit more of itself than usual. These days, I take the opportunity when it presents itself. I lean back, fold my arms and enjoy the show.
I Love the connections with my family, I Love my family, I Love them all. I feel the tug, the strongest tug of that thread when I am with my family. It feels almost magnetic.
No, I did not choose these people to be my family, but they are truly the best choices. If the choice was up to me, there’s no doubt I would have messed it up.
It’s such deep seated connection, so integral to who I am, to what I am, that the thought of that connection loosening, or God forbid, getting severed, strikes me as terribly unnatural.
There is no right or wrong way to celebrate Thanksgiving. But if you celebrate the Holiday with family, consider it an opportunity. The Universe is letting you have a better look. Lean back, fold your arms and enjoy the show, ponder the connections. As I always say, Love your Loved ones, and be Loved by those who Love you. Keep them near, on Thanksgiving, and really, just every day.
Have a Wonderful Thanksgiving everyone.
My pupils refocused as my little daydream wrapped up. There it was, a cursor, blinking next to my Grandmother’s name. With a little bit of a shudder in my inhale, I deleted her name from the Mailing List.
My God I miss her.