A few weeks ago:

I put on my watch and looked at the time, “Holy crap! Girls! We gotta go! Grab your boots! Lyd? Zip up your backpack! Wait on that. Is your lunch in there? No? Go grab it Sweetie! It’s go time!”

My wife and daughters stared at me with confused looks on their faces. “Hun?” Annie asked, “The girls have maybe another forty minutes before they need to leave for school. Chill out.”

I stammered. I looked at my watch. Then I looked at the clock on the cable box. I grunted and held my watch up to my ear. “It’s dead.” I muttered, “What the heck? I replaced this battery last summer. Remember we were at that party? And my watch stopped? Ugh. This thing is a piece of crap. It makes me want to look into an old school wind-up watch. Do you think that maybe the next time we’re running errands…”

“Yep, we’ll look around for a new watch.”

“Great!” I looked at that analog watch one more time and scowled. “Guess I can wear my digital watch in the meantime.”

“The sacrificial watch you wear when it’s going to be a rough day at work?”

“Yeah.” I replied, blatantly pouting about not being able to replace my preferred watch that very day. Annie smartly did not engage.

That watch has yet to be replaced because we keep forgetting. For weeks I’ve been living with this disliked digital watch. I was starting to worry that I would have to start getting used to wearing that thing.

I would like to announce that the dilemma of having to get used to it has been resolved! No, I have not yet replaced it. However, I am now certain I will never have to get used to it. My animosity toward that watch is now eternal and I am more motivated than ever to replace it. A few days ago we had daylight savings day. Spring forward! Right? The older I get, the more that lost hour matters. I decided to spring forward into a second shot of espresso that day.

With Daylight Savings comes the chore of resetting all the clocks in our house. The wall clock hanging upstairs is a cinch, just turn that nice little wheel in back. The cable box, our phones and all the other high tech devices are magical. They simply resolve their own issues. I look at them, put my hands up and slowly back away. I’ve never been one to get in the way of something fixing itself.

We agreed that if I reset the clock radios in the cars, then Annie would reset the oven clock. That thing…I’ll just say my wife is an amazing woman.

Then I noticed my watch, the hated digital one. Four buttons, just four buttons, in theory not too difficult. However I’ve learned that when you have buttons that all do more than one thing, and they are vaguely labeled, trouble can and will ensue.

Five minutes into the process I surrendered, went to the internet and downloaded a PDF of my watch’s instructions. I wiped the liquefied form of frustration off my forehead and boldly went forth with my day. Less than five minutes later, the alarm began beeping. I turned off the alarm, fiddled with it and boldly went forth with my day.

Twenty minutes later the alarm began beeping again. Again I pushed a few buttons, thinking I had again, turned it off, and boldly went forth with my day.

Not so much, it went off while I was driving my daughter to school. It went off several times after I got Home. I referred to the instructions again, carefully following the steps. It went off at the dinner table. After dinner, I again referred to the instructions, this time pushing the buttons with…I’ll call it exuberance.

Why is this thing so beyond me? I’m a well-read man! I enjoy classical music. I know how to get a Bluetooth mouse to talk to my laptop! I can download eBooks and I can get closed captioning to work on the television. This device has reduced me to Chimpasaurus Rex, I was on the verge of throwing a rock at it.

I did manage to turn the alarm function off. I’m not sure how and I hope no one asks me to replicate the act. It didn’t matter. The day of the dozen alarms had ended. The watch was no longer beeping at random times. I won.

At 2:46 in the morning I woke up thirsty and wandered downstairs for a glass of water. I could hear a muffled beeping sound that grew louder as I descended the stairs.

“ #*@% it.” I thought as I calmly drank my water and went back upstairs.