I wouldn’t say this is suitable for a Scientific Journal. Just Sayin’…
Once upon a time, the world was populated by insects, they had soft squishy protein rich bodies, they were easy prey, they were getting eaten up left and right. So the insects went to Mother Nature and asked “Hey, uhm, can you do something about this?”
Mother Nature said, “Hmm, you know, you’re right. You guys need some help. Say! You all have four wings. Maybe we can take that first set of wings and harden them up, and make the second set of wings fold up under the first set, you’ll have armor. Would that work?”
“Sure!” And this is how beetles came to be. But there was a problem, the weight of that armor made flying extremely difficult. They went and visited Mother Nature again, “Hey Mother Nature! This armor’s great and all, but it’s kind of hard to…you know, fly.”
“Yeah, good point. Maybe we can make the wings bigger, you know more lift. Would that work?”
“Yeah, we can work with that!” So Mother Nature stepped in again and made those second wings larger, to provide additional lift.
Beetles worldwide were pretty happy with this arrangement, but there was one beetle that missed that critical second meeting—the June Bug. The June Bug never got the memo, so it was stuck with heavy armor and wings that were barely adequate for flight. Science has little to no explanation for how the June Bug and the Bumblebee are able to attain flight. The June Bug can barely get off the ground, much less steer.
So let’s talk about June Bug mating practices. Here’s how it goes down. The Lady June Bug climbs up into some shrubbery and releases her pheromones, letting all the Boy June Bugs know she’s in the mood.
Before I go on, let’s talk about mating standards for other creatures. The Lion with the most impressive mane and the biggest roar gets the Lioness. The Gorilla with the most silver on his back, who can beat his chest the loudest, gets the lady Gorilla. The Rooster with the biggest brightest comb on its head and has the most impressive strut, lands himself a hen.
So what about the June Bug? What are their standards? What kind of a male June Bug gets to have his time with the ladies? Let’s get back to them and see. Again, we have the Lady June Bug letting loose her pheromones, letting all the boys know where she is. The boys smell the Love in the air, they grit their teeth and scrunch their eyes, and begin furiously flapping their tiny wings. Slowly they become airborne. Now they are all up in the air, huffing and puffing, desperately clinging to whatever altitude they can attain. They are so focused on staying in the air and finding the girl that they can barely steer, all they can do is turn in the general direction of the girl and go!
Okay…
Let’s try this again…go! No, that’s a window screen. And that’s…the window screen again. You know? Never mind, we’ll get back to that one later.
Let’s just give it a second, and…go.
There. Now they’re moving.
Here come the boys (Picture a kazoo chorus of Flight of the Valkyries for the soundtrack). Time for her to make her choice. The genetically superior June Bug, the standard bearer for June Bug virility, the June Bug that gets the girl…

is the one who crash lands closest to her.

When I look at Annie, I feel like the luckiest June Bug in the world.
Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!