Once upon a time, before I was a car owner, I’d peruse all the automobile magazines fantasizing about the cars I would drive.
It changed from time to time. I had a Corvette phase, a Camaro phase, ooh! How about a Mustang? Maybe I could go to one of those auctions and get a GTO. Yeah, go classic. I could like totally restore it!
Then I began thinking more “practically” Maybe a Suburban or Jeep Wrangler (they are so versatile, not only can you go top on or off, but you can put a hard top on it in the winter time!).
See? Very practical…right?
Then I finally reached that stage, time for me to get a car. I looked at my bank account and cruised the used car lots and ended up with a Chevy Corsica.

Yeah…

Anyway, I was so certain I would end up with a cool car, and that simply did not happen. Again, once upon a time I was also pretty certain that I would never, ever get a minivan, even after having kids. We’d be cooler than that.
Flash forward a few years, and here I am, idling in the school drop-off line in my Uplander.

Yeah…

Yep, a couple years ago I broke down and got a minivan, and truth is, I really like it! I now know why minivans sell like they do.
Back to the drop-off line, as I’m idling, I find myself no longer coveting and admiring GTOs and Camaros (the gas consumption? The insurance? Good Lord! Now I know why Dad was chuckling at me as I excitedly pointed out those cars in the magazines). I covet and admire new things now, like…“Wow, that Quest has some pretty sweet lines” or “Are flip & fold seats really worth it? How much space is actually sacrificed for those things?” I find myself sneering with jealousy at the vans with the automatic door feature—I’d give my eyetooth for automatic doors on a snowy morning.
So there, I’m on my way to becoming a minivan aficionado, and I’m developing some opinions. Stay-At-Home Dads are a growing trend. I’m starting to think automakers should start considering this trend. Maybe they can start thinking about…(wait for it)…MANivans! (Like it? It’s probably not original in the real world, but totally original and clever in my head).
Yeah, Manivans.
What is a Manivan? Well frankly, I don’t really know, I just have a bunch of little snapshot ideas in my head. For starters, minivans are incredibly approachable. They have nice rounded edges, large rear ends, there’s nothing terribly threatening about a minivan. Maybe that’s it, make them a little more threatening. Give it some corners, square it up a little, give it angry looking headlights, give it more of a prowling look maybe. Make it so it looks like it could run a school bus (empty of course!) off the road Mad Max style.
Try cooler or sportier colors, candy apple red, or gun metal gray, maybe black, or black with red trim, like B.A. Baracus’s van! That thing was flat black and flat gray with a red pinstripe and that thing was the coolest most badass van in the history of vans.
Bonus points if the horn plays the A-Team theme song.

That would be cool.