I recall my earliest days of parenting, introducing Lydia to coloring books and crayons. She took to them instantly. I would watch her scribble like a maniac. I didn’t bother with teaching her to color within the lines, I’m a cool laid back sort of parent, let that artistic flag fly! I regarded it as a non-conformity sort of thing.
A couple years later I learned the actual reasons for coloring within the lines and it has nothing to do with conformity and everything to do with developing fine motor skills.
With that revelation, I changed my tune and encouraged her to color within the lines. I still let her go crazy with the colors and designs, but I had to remind myself that the best rule-breakers are the ones who know the rules first.
It was one of my earlier tastes of what parenting and teaching your kid is really all about. Since that big “Ah-Ha!” moment, I have made it a point to keep my mind as open as possible to all sorts of different parenting methods.
Even my relatively open mind scoffed at a headline I once read, “Why I let my kid interrupt my conversations”. The title caused me to think “Ever Loving!”. I decided to click on it. Maybe it’s just an eye-catcher, let’s hear this out. After reading the article, my thoughts did change. They changed from, “Ever Loving” to “Is this some kind of a joke???” My opinions only intensified. The author was serious.
The gist of the article was, kids live in the moment, making them wait to tell you something is too long for their attention span and it might kill their enthusiasm. The author’s reasoning is somewhere along the lines of kids living in the moment and having a need to get out whatever it is that they are getting out. The author made some allusions to the kid becoming highest priority, that what the kid has to say is pretty important to the kid, so it’s important to the author. As the author said, “it was just a stupid adult conversation anyway”. Yes, the author called conversations with peers, friends, and family stupid. For all intents and purposes the author insulted everyone that matters in that person’s life and went on to insult the reader. The author really just insulted all adults.
First, I do believe that a child ought to be a top priority in a parent’s life. But that does not mean the child belongs on a pedestal. Sure, you’re a parent, you’re also an adult with bills to pay and a gas tank to fill, and human relationships that extend beyond the child. A parent needs those adult relationships to be a better balanced human, and to not lose your friggin’ mind! Just because you have now assumed the title of parent, does not mean you ought to cut yourself off from society and start running around holding up your kid like baby Simba.
Concerning attention spans: teaching a child to not interrupt could be a handy way to teach a child to work on growing their attention spans.
Now let’s address that bit about killing the child’s enthusiasm.
So what?
I know that sounds brutal to say, but…so what? For starters, kids are tough and they bounce back pretty easily. Second, addressing parallel priorities in front of the kid helps to open the kid’s eyes to a wider world. Not being the center of the universe does not diminish one’s importance. Allowing a child to interrupt keeps that child in a bubble, and if that bubble remains un-popped all the way into adulthood then the results will be devastating.
One of the most basic social mores we have is waiting our turn. It’s so ingrained as adults we don’t even think of it, we just take our place in line—for the bank, the car wash, groceries, and we wait for our turn. When I reread that last sentence, it sounds a little dystopian, but this is a critical rule to know for all of us to live along side each other harmoniously. Wars have probably been unknowingly averted because someone waited until it was their turn.
As I get farther into parenthood it’s becoming glaringly obvious that this rule must be taught. It’s not necessarily built into our collective psyches, it is a man made (and very important) social more. If you disagree, then I’ll just cut in front of you. What would your reaction be to me doing that? What would the entire line’s reaction be? I think line-cutting is one of those universal irritations. Go anywhere in the world, and you will probably anger someone by cutting in line. I think the same can be said when it comes to interrupting.
When one of my daughters has something to say while I am in another conversation I call her out on it, because it’s rude. Persons treated rudely will never totally hear what the speaker has to say because that person will still be thinking about how rudely they were treated.
I tell her to hold onto her thought, I will hear it out when I or whomever I am talking to finishes saying whatever it is that needs to be said.
I Love my daughters, I Love them more than pretty much anything else in the universe and they mean the world to me. But, they are not the center of the universe. It’s not such a letdown once one realizes that neither am I, nor you, nor anyone else for that matter.
My final thoughts are; No! Do not allow your children to interrupt, but don’t shut them up either. Force them to remember whatever is on their minds. Force them to listen for a break in the conversation. Force them to not only live in the moment, but to keep some thoughts on the past, and a few more thoughts on the future.