I pulled Lyd out of bed, “Good morning Bug! We need to get you cleaned up for school! Instead of Shampoo, I think I’ll shorten it to ‘poo’. From now on, you can tell people you rub poo in your hair every morning.”
“No! They’ll think I’m talking about poop!”
“Poop? That’s disgusting Lydia! It’s not poop. It’s poo.” I brushed out another bedhead snarl loose
“Eww! That’s gross Daddy.”
“What’s so gross about poo? Millions of people rub poo into their hair every morning!”
“But it sounds like you’re talking about poop!”
“What’s this thing with you and poop? That’s what is actually gross Lydia. Stop talking about poop, especially when I’m trying to talk about poo. It’s rude, it’s nasty. Now let’s try to have a more grown-up conversation here about poo. School’s starting. Do you want to be late?” I gave her a very serious look.
She didn’t call the bluff. “No.”
“Then get some poo rubbed into your hair!”
“No!”
“Are you disobeying me Lyd?”
“No! I don’t want to rub poo in my hair!” (Is she believing me?)
“Okay, well what’s your plan for getting your hair clean?”
“I want to use SHAMpoo.”
“Yes! I also want you to use that stuff! I’m on your team here Hun! Here’s the bottle of poo…”
“Not poo!”
“Yes poo!”
“Poo is gross.”
“Really? It smells kind of minty to me. You don’t want minty-scented poo in your hair?”
“No I don’t. Mint? Is there anything else?”
“Not really. But chocolate sounds good too, doesn’t it?
“Sure.”
“Think about it, there you are…rubbing light brown poo into your hair…”
“Mom!”
Annie (from downstairs) replied, “What?”
“Dad wants to put poo in my hair!”
“Ugh….Brooks!”