A couple weeks ago there was a video that went viral of Professor Robert Kelly attempting to have an interview on BBC News about South Korea, unfortunately he forgot to lock his office door and his children came wandering in. Pure natural comedy ensued as Prof. Kelly attempted to maintain the interview while keeping his children at bay all the while trying to not crack up. The best part happened seconds later as his wife skids into the room to get the kids out. And while she was trying to be nondescript, her failed, but appreciated attempts at this only made the situation worse.
I delighted in watching it. It captured the chaos of a Home with children perfectly. Anyone with young kids gets this video. We’ve all been there. (Moments ago as I was writing the first draft of this, the timer for the pizza beeped just as one of our kids announced she had “poo on her butthole”. The other one rescued an Amazon box from the recycles pile and that box is currently adding to the chaos that defines our living room.) I enjoyed the video so much I made up my own narrative for it and posted it to my Facebook Page.
Here is a link to the Youtube video:

Then last week, I stumbled upon a parody of the video, produced by a comedy group known as Jono and Ben. The parody was addressing how a Mom would have handled this situation. In the video, she takes the first kid onto her lap and gives her a bottle. Then she hands a toy to the second kid. After that she finishes roasting a chicken, she steams a shirt, scrubs a toilet bowl, and diffuses a bomb, all the while she maintains the interview and her composure. After all that, a flustered husband dressed in Home casual steps into the doorway asking where his missing sock is. She ignores him and finishes the interview.
Here is a link to the Jono and Ben’s Parody:

Now where do I start? Let’s start by acknowledging the humor. It was a funny parody, I get it, sure. However, as a Stay-At-Home Dad, what I do is pretty near and dear to me and the joke is getting old. That’s really it. I’m tired of the gender stereotypes of Moms being portrayed as domestic multitasking Goddesses and Dads as bumbling idiots who can’t even match a sock. Furthermore, every issue that came her way during the course of the video was immediately dealt with, except the Dad. She gave the toilet bowl more immediate attention than she did her own husband.
Annie’s a recovering professional chef. She kills it at throwing together a dinner. Also, she’s much better with budgeting and finances than I am. She handles the meals and money in our house. She’s really smart like that and in 10,000 other ways. Having said all that, Annie has used our vacuum cleaner only once, she has never touched the steam mop and she washes maybe six loads of laundry a year, and most of the time it was for a specific article of clothing she needed that day. I wash the clothes, I wash the girls, I wipe most of the butts, and I’m in the middle of potty-training the shorter one. She’s the CFO, I’m the Operations Director, we are a team. Neither of us is a domestic God, nor a domestic Goddess.
I suppose you could call the parody sexist. One could argue that after all that women have been through over the course of history, that I’m not able to take one little joke, except it’s not one little joke, and I am not necessarily calling out a gender specific form of sexism here. I’m calling out all sexism by calling out a pervasive and long accepted ideal of Mothers being better parents than Fathers! It’s not a competition people! In a world where all (or at least, most…I hope!) parents teach their children that two wrongs do not make a right, videos like this perpetuate a form of sexism that is not acknowledged, not taken seriously and is often met with eye rolls. Sexism happens against all genders. If equality is the greater cause, do videos like this help move us toward that greater cause?
Not all of us found the joke funny. There. That’s the end of that little rant.
As I was perusing comments on the original video starring Dr. Kelly, I noticed that some felt he was being aloof with his children. Some suggested he should have just owned it and pulled her up onto his lap (like the Mom in the parody did).
Why?
Here’s the big shocker: children are not the most important members in a household! Frankly, my relationship with my wife is more important than my relationship with our children, because the two of us having a healthy relationship is the very first step in raising healthy children. Nowadays there is an immense pressure for parents to be the greatest parents…ever. They must dedicate and sacrifice everything for their children, including themselves. They must be seen with their kids, they must be seen being wonderful parents. Instant social media shaming and criticism has pushed the ideals of parenthood into a ridiculous and unattainable place, a place that (if taken personally) can only drive parents toward depression.
Prof. Kelly was working, he was earning a paycheck. It was a professional situation and he was attempting to maintain professionalism. Plopping his kid onto his lap would have been inappropriate, it would have told the audience that he actually does not care very much about the audience, nor about the information he was trying to convey. He was attempting to do his job!
Here’s the next big shocker, not everyone is interested in your kid. Your kid sitting on your lap in a serious adult situation almost never maintains the desired tone of a conversation. The audience didn’t tune in to see the good professor with his kid on his lap. “Oh and here’s my kid” does not need to be tagged to everything you do, in fact, it should not be tagged to everything you do.
Prof. Kelly did the right thing. He was doing his job. He was being as professional as possible in a situation where professionalism was the correct choice.
Oh yeah, many people also assumed she was the nanny. That’s a whole different can of worms!
When my entire family gets together, kids are secondary citizens, they always have been. The kids are pushed into a separate room, the romper room. There are no adults helicoptering them. Kids doing kid things in one room, and adults being adults together in the other room, just like the childhoods of my siblings, cousins and me.
In 1983, the Michael Keaton Movie, Mr. Mom was a novelty. It’s a movie that with each passing year, truly shows its age. The Stay-At-Home Dad is a growing trend, Stay-At-Home Dads are even starring in Laundry Detergent Commercials! There are countless examples of Dads who are indeed not bumbling idiots who can’t even match up a pair of socks; but are winning at raising their children and running a household. I’m not going to get into the nuances of a patriarchal or matriarchal society, I’m not going down that rabbit hole and I’m not seeking a debate. The big message here is, “Sexism is bad”, that is what I am saying, with that in mind, a debate over this piece feels like a useless and time-wasting endeavor (seriously, I do not have the time for that!). There are good Dads and bad Dads, there are good Moms and bad Moms. This parody displays sexism. Unfortunately it’s a sexism that people have a hard time taking seriously when it is veiled behind laugh track yuk-yuks. Sexism is a double-edged sword. Many or most forms of sexism shouldn’t be denounced while others are left dismissed. The saddest part is that many of those dismissed don’t even bother making mention of it, it’s more trouble than it’s worth. They just muster up a chuckle, tolerate being the butt of the joke and move on.
Aren’t we all working toward equality? Equality is not being accomplished if one side isn’t laughing, if one side feels hurt, if one side is quietly growing resentful. If equality is the goal, then sexism, ANY sexism is detrimental in attaining that goal.