I have some wonderful news! I’ll be getting my basement back! And you my friend, will be getting a lot of sh…shtuff.
You can do whatever you want with it all. If nothing else, the strollers will give you an opportunity to test out a few models for free. Free is good. Strollers are pricey, and frustrating if it turns out to be one you don’t like.
Strollers are a big deal. This will determine the baby’s comfort and (arguably more important) your comfort.
Here is our stroller story. It involves a couple of rookie mistakes. We started out with a variable age model – what they call a “travel system”. It came with a baby bucket/car seat that could unsnap from the car to the stroller, very handy.
Since I was the one who would be pushing the stroller the most, Annie gave me most of the decision making powers. I chose one that seemed pretty solid, I liked the cup holders, it rolled smoothly. I especially liked the push handle. It had a pistol grip in the center. It appealed to me mostly due to one-handed steering. And honestly, a pistol group was kind of cool. In reality I think that handle was a gimmick, it’s not really necessary, also, when the stroller was folded, the handle jutted out and had a tendency to catch anything near it.
But that’s not the worst mistake I made when choosing this model. I never applied my walking style into the equation.
You and I have a similar walk. It’s a firm and aggressive walk. We’re both fast walkers and we take big steps. The handles of that stroller were practically directly above the back wheels. I constantly found myself checking my walk because I nearly always stepped on the axle. It also had a narrow wheel base (I chose the narrow wheel base because I was thinking about doorways, cramped store aisles, etc. Turns out, pretty much all strollers roll through doorways and narrow aisles, the ones that don’t are pretty obvious.). This narrow wheel base means the parking brakes on the back wheels were near each other, and those stupid brakes are just as easy to step on as the rear axle. That means there is a high potential for disaster.
One potential disaster might involve something like, oh I dunno…let’s say you and your wife/mother to your child are at a neighborhood garage sale. Let’s say it’s a pretty crowded event and there are a lot of cars struggling to move through the sea of pedestrians. Let’s say you are waiting to cross the street and a kind-hearted driver waves for you to go ahead and cross. You wave in a gesture of gratitude and to prove your gratitude you decide to hurry across the street so that the driver can more quickly move on.
Hurrying equals big steps. And it’s possible that you could step on that parking brake while trying to cross the street. It’s possible that you step on that brake so hard that it strips the wheel and the wheel nearly bends off the axle leaving it wrecked. Then you end up half carrying the stroller with your child and the 190 pounds of baby clothing that your wife bought. The entire idea of making a hasty crossing would be crushed. The driver would feel bad for us, “At least there are strollers for sale!” I imagine him saying as he drives past us in his gun metal grey Toyota Camry.
After you get Home, it’s possible that you would get online and visit the manufacturer’s website with the intention of ordering a new wheel only to discover that ONE stupid replacement wheel costs more than half of what you paid for the entire stupid stroller system. Then it’s possible that you will nearly yell some rather nasty words at the website but you don’t because your adorable little baby is staring at you.
This is totally hypothetical of course. This never happened in April of 2010 in the village of Maple Bluff where the only true victory you could claim that day was picking up a really sweet rolling cooler and a lightly used dehumidifier. Maple Bluff is a well-to-do neighborhood, those folks have nice stuff.
Hypothetical! Anyway, that’s the sort of thing that could happen if the handle is nearly above the rear wheels.

Another thing that does not happen when you take a stroller for a test drive though a store is this thing called real life! Nice smooth store floors are the ideal and rare surface that a stroller rolls over. It feels like a dream. It’s easy to like a stroller under these conditions!
If I had it my way, I would create a test run track for strollers. Pull out the floor model that you are interested in. I would then put a 30 bag of flour into the baby seat and a twenty pound bag of flour in the undercarriage. Then I would introduce you to the test track. This track includes pavement and uneven sidewalk panels. There would be curbs to hop, railroad tracks, gravel and grass. Maybe a zip line (I have no idea why, but it would be fun!) There would be hills and sharp turns. There would be grocery store aisles and center aisle displays to park against while your wife digs through the clearance rack. Maybe a crowd of mannequins that are programmed to move and shift in a chaotic patter. Speaking of crowds, it’s really easy to shove and bully yourself through a crowd when you have a stroller! No one wants to harm the baby! They turn around, ready to say something to you before they look down at the baby. Suddenly they are apologizing and letting you through. If they are still surly, hold up a finger to shush them, no one wants to wake a baby. Never mind that she is awake. They don’t appear to realize that fact right away, it’s just long enough for you to move on and plow through the next herd of people. It’s great. I have considered pushing an empty stroller around just to make navigating a crowd easier. I would suggest you try a maneuver that I call the “side shift” (Annie calls it the sidewinder, which is much more cool). You lift the back wheels so that only the swiveling front wheels are on the ground. Then you can shift to the side like a crab, no need to parallel park it. Side note: You can’t do this maneuver with a fixed-wheel jogger. Annie thought it was both hilarious and brilliant the first time she saw me show off that move.
This move, by Dad Standards, is actually kind of sexy. Stop looking at me like that. Keep saying it to yourself. “This Stroller maneuver makes me sexier.”
And for the Love of God, give the seat padding a quick inspection and deduce how easily that padding can be removed, washed and reinstalled. You’ll thank me for the warning when, not if, you need to do this. In my last piece to you, I wrote about poop and puke. The stroller isn’t immune.
I would have you pick up the pace during your test drive. I would ask you how your back feels, if you have to slump forward to push that thing, then it is too small, your back will be killing you after a day at the zoo. I would have simulated car trunks and rear hatches, so that you can see how the stroller folds up and how it would fit in your trunk.
Ah yes! How it folds up! Let me start by talking about WWII aircraft. I have always found them fascinating. I loved learning about how different models flew, how they could maneuver, I loved doing line by line comparisons of how different models and designs performed. One day I was having a drink with a friend who was earning his pilot’s license and we were talking about all the above things mentioned. Here is what he told me. “You know, it really is a joy plugging all these numbers. But at the end of the day, what I have learned is that an actual pilot just wants a plane that can land safely and easily.”
Huh…makes perfect sense. I never thought about that. Landing! Who knew?
You could apply that same philosophy to strollers. You could have the greatest most stupendous stroller in the world, but if it doesn’t fold up pleasantly, and if it doesn’t fit in your trunk, then it might as well be useless.
Most of these issues boil down to wheel size. Let’s start with the extreme model, the jogging stroller. These strollers have huge wheels, the wheels are spoked and inflatable. I hear they are great for jogging (I run when chased, that’s about it.). I love these strollers for uneven terrain. They roll through parks like a dream. Curbs, bumps, gravel…no problem.
Here’s the problem – these strollers are huge. If you have anything smaller than a minivan, it won’t fit. It folds down from the size of a Volkswagen Bug to the size of a Smart Car.
Now that we’ve addressed the largest wheels, let’s go down to the umbrella stroller. Folded, you can carry them with one hand, however, those wheels can get hung up on the grout of a tile floor.
The way our lives worked out, we eventually were pared down to three strollers. We had a jogging stroller for things like the zoo, visits to the park and the county fair. We had a roomy high storage stroller for practically everything else. And each of our cars had an umbrella stroller in case of emergency. (If you pay attention to sales you can pick up umbrella strollers for $10 and having one of these at the ready can be incredibly handy!)
As you move forward through life pushing a stroller, the irritating things will become a little more irritating. You’ll start thinking about what you will be looking for when or if you will be needing a new one. You might even find yourself talking shop with other Dads and their strollers.
The best moments will be when you get a new, really slick model and you’re taking it out for the first time, strutting it around the store, making sharp corners, pushing it ahead of yourself a couple feet before catching up to it. All the while you’ll be watching the eyes of everyone passing by, hoping they take a moment to admire your new wheels. The actual reactions will be discouraging, until you realize they are looking without giving the appearance of looking. No one looks like they care.
Don’t be discouraged. Haters be Hatin’
You got this Brochacho.