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Category: Family & Life

This Facility has had 122 (scratch that) 2! Days Without An Incident

This Facility has had 122 (scratch that) 2! Days Without An Incident

“Are you two going to swim your hearts out?” “Well not really…because we need our hearts to be alive.” “Yes…that’s true. It’s just a figure of speech.” “But what do they mean by it? Because…you would die without your heart.” “I…” My shoulders slumped, “I’ll explain it when you’re older.” Reggie interjected, “I like to swim Daddy!” “After watching you in that pool last week, I don’t think that is something you need to explain Hun!” “I like to drink…

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A Boatload of Mishaps: This is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

A Boatload of Mishaps: This is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

If you should ever peruse our “this is why we can’t have nice things” file. You will find a small cabinet with shelves that used to hold our DVDs. This wasn’t a terribly fancy cabinet, it was made of particle board, some assembly was required. It was nice enough, it matched the theme of our living room and we were satisfied with it. Then one day, one of the doors was open and Regina thought it would be pretty cool…

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The Venerable ABC Block

The Venerable ABC Block

It was another snow day, and it wasn’t even a fun kind of snow day. The fun snow days, at least for kids, are the ones where we get piled on with heavy damp snow, perfect snowball snow, perfect snowman snow, the kind of snow where a kid can make tunnels and go sledding. Meanwhile parents are quietly cursing and wiping frozen boogers off their faces as they dig out from the blizzard. Those are the ideal snow days, where…

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How One Tiny Beep Killed Two Whole Days

How One Tiny Beep Killed Two Whole Days

“I’m not getting out of bed until Mommy comes back with a thermometer.” She groaned. “Is she making ultimatums now?” I thought. Then I realized, Annie was not in the corner getting Reggie out of her pajamas. “Hmm” was my clever retort. Regina decided to clarify things for me, “Wydia’s not feeling good Daddy.” I could tell; she looked miserable. Annie squeezed past me, popped a thermometer into Lydia’s mouth and grabbed Reg. I took the opportunity to finish brushing…

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What Do We Do When We Fall Down?

What Do We Do When We Fall Down?

A couple days ago, Lydia hurt a friend’s feelings by telling her friend that she likes a different friend more than her. That is an awkward sentence. Here’s a summary: Lyd told Friend A that she likes Friend B more than Friend A. Friend A had hurt feelings over it. After a brief intervention from their teacher, Lydia was in tears and was sob-croaking out her apology. Our daughter has a sweet and Loving heart and I am absolutely certain…

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You’re Wrong Audi, My Daughter is Priceless

You’re Wrong Audi, My Daughter is Priceless

Here is the transcript from a Super Bowl LI Commercial for Audi: “What do I tell my daughter? Do I tell her, her Grandpa’s worth more than her Grandma? That her Dad is worth more than her Mom? Do I tell her that despite her education, her drive, her skills, her intelligence, she’ll automatically be valued as less than every man she ever meets? Or maybe, I’ll be able to tell her something different.” I was a little angry after…

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What’s Wrong with Poo in Your Hair? Number Two (Get it? Number Two?)

What’s Wrong with Poo in Your Hair? Number Two (Get it? Number Two?)

“Daddy? Can I tell you something?” “Sure Hun.” “Your Dad Joke, where you call Shampoo, poo is actually kinda funny.” “You think so?” “Yeah! ShamPOO. Get it?” “Yeah. I’m glad you get it. That is pretty funny. Isn’t it? Perhaps we really should call it poo for short?” “No! I still don’t want people to think I rub poop in my hair!” I smiled and topped off my coffee (Oh my sweet little daughter. Truth is, you have had poop…

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Confessions of a Bad Parent

Confessions of a Bad Parent

Yesterday was a bad day of parenting. Yesterday I began getting close to a snapping point. Yesterday was a holiday. Yesterday’s holiday meant no school, which meant I was stuck alone with the girls on a crappy, sleety day in winter. I couldn’t kick Lyd out of the house to play in the snow. Yesterday we were all trapped in the house. I managed to survive Christmas Break. I managed to survive school getting out early due to weather. I…

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It’s Not All About the Kids! A Holiday “Date” with my Wife

It’s Not All About the Kids! A Holiday “Date” with my Wife

She poured us a second glass of wine. I said something that made her laugh. Her laughter caused me to laugh. After a third glass of wine, after we split a cider, and then split another cider…the funny part of the night was over. We had crossed over to hilarious! The slightest twitch of my face was causing her to produce guffaws, lightly seasoned with snorts. The new year was just about an hour away. Younger, thinner versions of us…

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How the Grump Found Christmas

How the Grump Found Christmas

It was Christmas Eve, “I just want to look at them one more time” she said as I put on my pajamas. We crept into the girls’ room. Regina had rolled out of her blanket, I watched Annie tuck the blanket back around her. Reg barely stirred. I watched her then turn around and stroke a lock of hair out of Lyd’s face, she haphazardly swatted at Annie’s hand and rolled over, she never stopped snoring. We stood back and…

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