Dear Tony Stark, I’m not as adept at technology as I wish, so I guess this is why I am appealing to you here. I think you should take a break from putting on your Iron Man Suit. I think you should take a break from fighting interdimensional bad guys, robots with God complexes and doing heroic things like…Oh, I don’t know. Saving the world? Instead, let’s focus on my kid for a few minutes. If you want to be…
Recently a friend of mine was seeking Mommy advice regarding getting her infant to swallow Baby Tylenol. I immediately recalled the days of getting my babies to swallow their medicine and realized I might have some worthwhile pointers. Despite not being a Mommy, I decided to weigh in. I used to use the plastic syringe that came with the medicine for our girls, never mind that, sometimes I still have to use a plastic syringe. The tough part is dealing…
Does anyone out there have that “one” relative? That relative is usually an uncle. He’s belligerent, opinionated and obnoxious. He can be demanding and acts entitled. He tends to get louder as the night goes on. He might even get drunk and really put on a show! We have that relative. We call him Uncle Reginald, despite the fact that he isn’t really an uncle, he isn’t even a he. She’s four years old and she’s my daughter. Let’s go…
Annie came storming into the living room. She was on a roll and would not be stopped. “I have Christmas Cards.” “Great!” “Wrapping Paper.” “Is it pretty?” “No, it looks like a dead raccoon.” “Nice.” “I’ve got gifts for…” Her voice trailed off. A link popped up on my phone about Tyrannosaurus Rex. “Which leads me to you.” (Me? Oh crap. What did she say?) “Here I am!” “No dummy. What do you want for Christmas?” “Oh! I gotta think…
“Hey Lyd! Did the timer just go off?” “Yes.” “Great! Are you finished with your Breakfast?” “No.” “Really? Let’s take a look here, if it’s just a couple of bites left then I won’t…uhm. No. This is an awful lot. Lyd? You had nearly thirty minutes to finish a bowl of oatmeal, a cup of yogurt and some juice. What happened?” “Reggie was distracting me…” “Oh was she? So answer me this: has this happened before?” “Yes.” “What did I…
“He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man” Dr. Johnson October 31st, 6pm… We were somewhere around Lodi, on the edge of a cornfield, when the candy began to take hold. I remember saying something like “I feel a bit light headed, maybe you should walk….” And suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us and the sky was full of what looked like giant bats, all swooping and screeching and…
I was parked in the pickup line, the van was turned off, Reggie and I were waiting for Lyd and the barbarian charge of children to come flooding out of the school. This has become a valued part of my day. Reg brings a couple toys along, she’s occupied. There’s no dirty laundry in the van, no dirty dishes, and I am not staring at my computer screen with my fingers hovering over the keyboard. I get to break out…
“Hey Sweetie! Did you have a good nap?” “Yeah. I pooped.” “Oh. That’s too bad. I’ll change your diaper. Next time, try to let me know so I can get you to the potty. Okay?” “Okay.” She suddenly became exasperated, “I just don’t know why I always poop.” “Food.” “Food?” “Yes. Poop used to be food. You eat food and your body turns it into poop that comes out the other end.” “You mean my butthole.” “Yes.” (sighing heavily) “Your…
“His destructive programming is taking effect. He will be irresistibly drawn to large cities, where he will backup sewers, reverse street signs and steal everyone’s left shoe.” -Dr. Jumba, from the Disney movie Lilo & Stitch For those of you who have never watched the movie Lilo & Stitch, it is a movie about an alien, or rather a creature, created in the laboratory of mad scientist Dr. Jumba. Stitch was designed to cause chaos and destruction. That’s all you…
I was busy, I was focused. I was loading up the van for Annie’s Farmers Market booth. My to-do list was best expressed in chapters that day. “Here Hun! Here’s the big bin of crayons, here’s a coloring book” (and she was no longer underfoot). I grabbed another crate of jars and stacked it in the van. The whole time, I was muttering to myself about how heavy jam and pickled products are. Plus I was thinking about the two…