“Daddy? Can I tell you something?” “Sure Hun.” “Your Dad Joke, where you call Shampoo, poo is actually kinda funny.” “You think so?” “Yeah! ShamPOO. Get it?” “Yeah. I’m glad you get it. That is pretty funny. Isn’t it? Perhaps we really should call it poo for short?” “No! I still don’t want people to think I rub poop in my hair!” I smiled and topped off my coffee (Oh my sweet little daughter. Truth is, you have had poop…
Anyone who lives in Wisconsin knows all about winter clothing, specifically, how easily paired-items such as gloves and mittens can be broken up and the frustrations that follow. When it comes to children, multiply those factors by ten. My youngest daughter is a defiant creature. Madness and mayhem are things that she not only embraces but she is a force multiplier as well. There are times where her logic is boggling, even after you take into consideration that she is…
“Self…” I said, “I think I’ll have an ice cream sandwich.” “Good idea!” I replied, “You had a rough day. You earned it!” I opened the freezer and a box of waffles flew out at me, I had a ninja-like reaction and managed to catch the entire box, and I managed to catch the two or three waffles that began sliding out of the box. “Have a waffle too while you’re at it.” Annie mumbled over her shoulder as she…
I pulled Lyd out of bed, “Good morning Bug! We need to get you cleaned up for school! Instead of Shampoo, I think I’ll shorten it to ‘poo’. From now on, you can tell people you rub poo in your hair every morning.” “No! They’ll think I’m talking about poop!” “Poop? That’s disgusting Lydia! It’s not poop. It’s poo.” I brushed out another bedhead snarl loose “Eww! That’s gross Daddy.” “What’s so gross about poo? Millions of people rub poo…
Something told me I needed to head off to the Baby Store, so off I went…and there was my former self circa 2009. “Welcome to the Big-Box Baby Store! You’ve been browsing here an awful lot lately, haven’t you?” “Well yeah…Annie’s due in five months.” “Yeah…you’re going to procrastinate on putting together the crib and changing table anyway. Are you nervous?” “Not yet, I don’t think it’s sunk in yet.” “I remember you back then. You actually are more than…
Annie was in the kitchen canning. This meant I was on daughter duty. It’s a lot like being a soccer goalie. The girls are represented as the soccer balls, and the goal is the kitchen. I post myself in front of the kitchen entrance and I just keep throwing them back into play. After a while their fascination with whatever Annie is doing dies out and they make themselves content in the living room. This gives me a chance to…
Last year Annie and I took the girls to the School Book Fair. We went in there planning on buying two books, knowing we would buy three books. We’re pushovers when it comes to books. Decisions were made, Annie took them up for checkout. When this happened, Lyd suddenly grew desperate to grab… Just. One. More. Thing. She held up a Halloween-Sized package of red licorice. I rolled my eyes, counted to ten, and became weak. “Fine.” I said, “Run…
Minivan Conversations Vol I Lydia had goats on her mind, “Did you know that goats make milk?” Annie replied, “Yes I did know that.” “We could own a goat, and we won’t have to buy milk again. We could also make cheese with the milk.” “I know that too. Good idea!” “And the goat could eat the grass so that you won’t have to mow grass.” I spoke to Annie, “I’ve said it a few times, I’ll say it again,…
incident-report It was nearly 2:30 in the morning. I was in a deep sleep (well a “parental” deep sleep, not very deep). The baby monitor was making a sound—it was Regina. “Ugh.” I thought, “Is Reg trying to wake everyone because she’s awake?” No. She sounded upset. “Another nightmare” I thought, “She’s been having bad dreams ever since we watched that Harry Potter movie. Better go reset her.” With a groan I began rolling out of bed. She cried again….
In case anyone hasn’t heard, Bob Ross’s show, Beauty is Everywhere, is now on Netflix. I have some wonderful memories of his programs. They were so deceptive. Seriously, think about it—It’s a guy, painting. But then you start watching, and watching some more. Suddenly your coffee mug is empty, it needs to get refilled, but you can’t get up to refill it. Why? Because you HAVE to see how he makes the clouds look so freaking fluffy! Suddenly an hour…