Yesterday was a bad day of parenting. Yesterday I began getting close to a snapping point. Yesterday was a holiday. Yesterday’s holiday meant no school, which meant I was stuck alone with the girls on a crappy, sleety day in winter. I couldn’t kick Lyd out of the house to play in the snow. Yesterday we were all trapped in the house.
I managed to survive Christmas Break. I managed to survive school getting out early due to weather. I managed to survive school being delayed due to weather. I managed to survive a snow day or two (how many this season?). My limit is approaching.
Yesterday the toys were too loud. Lydia decided to practice tap dancing (really? Tap-Dancing?), so she needed to crank up her music. Regina decided to take and claim everything Lyd touched. Regina decided to run off and hide Lyd’s puzzle pieces. Regina was defiant and threw several tantrums. They were not listening when it mattered, they became clingy and hyper-attentive when it didn’t matter. At one point Lydia was literally (and I know how to use that word!) hopping in circles around me as I was trying to bring plates of lunch to the table.
Burn-out can happen with everything and parenting is no exception. I need a break from my daughters and I think they need a break from me.
In this day and age everyone has an opinion about parenting and we’ve all observed many who are more than eager to impose those opinions upon everyone, sometimes going so far as to shame other parents. I’ve been lucky to have not suffered that shaming…yet, but I’m willing to bet I’ve written something that will have someone aggressively barking about how offended they are. It’s a scary thing to put yourself out there knowing what the reaction can be if just one person focuses on one sentence while missing the message.
In this era of social media people portray only the happy moments, portrayals of perfect joyful parents. I tend to think social media is a reflection of social lives in general. We all try to put on our best faces when we leave the Home. I’m no different. Just because I have a knack for seeing the humor in most everything doesn’t mean I’m in a constant state of laughter. On the contrary, typically I’m a bit agitated and anti-social. My writer’s personality is not an accurate portrayal of my overall personality.
None of this stops us from struggling to live by the standards set by social media—even when we know it. Those standards are unrealistic and unattainable. The pressure (if you let it in) is intense and every parent has felt that pressure in some way shape or form. No! I am fairly certain the girls did not get a proper serving of vegetables! Yes! I microwaved their lunches! Yes! I did raise my voice at them. Yes! I made them help me clean the house! I am fairly certain the girls ate unhealthy food yesterday. And unless watching me hauling laundry up and down the stairs is educational, then I am certain they had very few educational activities yesterday. I really don’t care if someone was a better parent than me. It’s not a competition.
Most days I find the humor in parenting. Most days my girls do or say something that cracks me up but yesterday was not one of those days. Yesterday being a Dad sucked. Yesterday I reached a point where I was sick and tired of my daughters. By the end of the day I wanted very little to do with them. I felt bad about it, but the mood was a natural and justifiable one and I could not deny it while maintaining honesty with myself.
(gasp!) I did not like my daughters yesterday! I suppose there are any number of terrible things the internet could call me.
There’s really only one thing I will accept being called—human. That’s it, plain and simple. I am a flawed human just like you, and I need a break.
And then this morning, my phone beeped. School was canceled due to inclement weather. I twitched a little. Annie squeezed my shoulder and hung her head low.
Deep breaths, deep breaths.