“Hey Sweetie! Did you have a good nap?”
“Yeah. I pooped.”
“Oh. That’s too bad. I’ll change your diaper. Next time, try to let me know so I can get you to the potty. Okay?”
“Okay.” She suddenly became exasperated, “I just don’t know why I always poop.”
“Food.”
“Food?”
“Yes. Poop used to be food. You eat food and your body turns it into poop that comes out the other end.”
“You mean my butthole.”
“Yes.” (sighing heavily) “Your butthole.”
“So food makes me poop?”
“Well, sort of I suppose. Certain foods are a little quicker than others. But in the end” (heheh I said “but” and “end”) “Poop is what food becomes.” She gave me a look, she was right, that was a poorly stated sentence. “Food turns into poop.”
“So it’s your fault.”
“What?”
“It’s your fault I poop. If you would stop giving me food, then I’ll stop pooping.”
“Well, I can’t really argue with your logic but…”
“What’s logic?”
“Something you nor anyone your age has. Anyway…sure, if we stopped feeding you, you would stop pooping. But you would stop doing everything. You would starve to death. I’m understating things here when I say we’d be devastated by such an unthinkable thing. And I’m guessing there would probably be a criminal investigation. So we’ll just going to keep giving you food.” I was silent for a few moments before going on, I chuckled, “So long as your Mom is Italian, you really won’t ever have much choice when it comes to eating.”
“So I will never stop pooping.”
“Nope. But Hun, we don’t want you to stop pooping. We want you to stop pooping in your diaper. We’d like to start seeing you pooping in the potty more.”
“The rumbly feeling in my tummy.”
“Exactly! When that rumbly feeling hits you, tell us! We’ll help you get to the potty. We need to practice. We won’t get there every time, but we try. Now head downstairs I’ll be down in a minute.” I began washing my hands, she didn’t leave. “Reg? What’s up? Why aren’t you heading down?”
“I like to watch.”
“Uhm, watch what?”
“I like watching you wash your poopy hands.”
“You are a delightfully weird, slightly creepy kid. You know that?”
“Yeah. I know. Are you done?”
“Yep!”
“Don’t forget to dry. Now I go downstairs. Bye!”