Recently I stumbled across a Dad’s forum debate regarding two-piece bathing suits on little girls. For the most part, members were against them. Some made comments about the sexualization of children. Others posted about creepers and perverts who think horrible things. A couple opinions stated that there is absolutely no reason ever for a two piece bathing suit on a little girl. I don’t really believe in absolutes, and I tend to believe there is nearly always a function in addition to the form. There were very few who did not have a problem with two-piece bathing suits, and I was one of them.
Disclaimer: While my little girl technically wears a two piece bathing suit, the pieces pretty much overlap. It actually looks more like a one-piece. She’s not auditioning for the Swimsuit Edition out here. Truth is, I’m guessing they were referring to two-piece bathing suits that do not look like the one my little girl wears. Whatever the design might look like, there is function over the form. There was enough function that I felt the need to chime in.
Here’s my real take: before I became a parent, I had some pretty strong opinions about parenting. I was awfully sure of myself and I was pretty certain what kind of a Dad I was going to be.
Most of those opinions are gone, a juggernaut known as reality rolled through and squashed pretty much all of them.
I do not have near the amount of “absolutes” rolling around in my head that I once did. I’m ready and willing to abandon the few that are still standing once I’m given a compelling reason. I suspect the teenage years will see to that task.
I have a couple opinions as to why I’m not going to flip out because my little girl is in a two-piece. For starters, if I make a big deal of it, it will become a bigger deal than I will probably want it to be. She will be wondering why she can’t wear the suit. It’s made into something forbidden. What was once something “pretty”, will become something “sexual”. She’s still innocent. I simply do not need to do that.
If it’s the creepers one is worried about, well there’s a really disgusting and sad truth that I am learning to accept as the father of two awfully pretty little girls. People will have unseemly thoughts no matter what my girls are wearing. I am certain that over the years, as we were out shopping, at the zoo, or just out in public, that there have been a few perverts who have looked upon my daughters and had thoughts that would cause the skin to crawl, thoughts that make me want to draw them near and swing out at anything that could be perceived as a threat.
The unfortunate fact of this is: thoughts are not illegal. Acting upon those thoughts is a whole different matter, and acting upon them under my watch will likely mean the pervert will get more than what was bargained for. But thoughts? Thoughts aren’t illegal. I cannot stop someone from having thoughts like that.
She’s still innocent of those things, she knows about stranger danger, she knows to keep near me. All I can do is keep an eye on her, keep her safe and hope she will have her head about her to keep herself safe when I’m not around. In the end though, if I make something into a sexual matter, it will become a sexual matter. I’m not ready to address those issues with her. I’m not scared to do so, I just want to maintain her innocence as long as possible. Innocence is a fleeting stage in life that once closed, will never reopen. She has an entire lifetime to learn about the ugliness in the world. Right now, fairies and unicorns are real. Let’s face it, we all have our versions of fairies and unicorns that we wish were still real. Speeding up her path away from innocence won’t accomplish a thing in the end. Let her have her Midsummer Night’s Dream dance.
I’ve become less judgmental of others. I can’t sit upon that high horse and maintain moral honesty, not anymore. When I see a fellow parent, I see someone who has a child who has an issue that is quietly being struggled with back at Home. I don’t know the specifics of the issue, I don’t even need to know. One honestly just doesn’t know what’s going on in someone else’s house, but I know what is not going on in that house—perfect kids and perfect parenting.
Our most compelling reason for putting Lyd in a two-piece bathing suit is purely functional. It’s also something that many Dads, many males for that matter, probably don’t think about. Until Annie (she’s a girl) brought it up with me, it’s something that never occurred to me either. It’s easier to go to the bathroom in a two-piece. Lyd feels much more confident when wearing her two piece, not due to some body image thing, but because if she needs to go, she knows she won’t have a wet one-piece suit to wrestle herself out of.
Most judgements, or rather most immediate, first impression judgements have a strong vein of ignorance running through it. Nothing’s wrong with ignorance, everyone’s ignorant about something. A willingness to address and move past that ignorance is what makes the difference. Is that kid being a little brat? Or does the kid have autism? Is that other kid coddled? Or is she struggling with a special need? Me: first impressions of me: antisocial, nervous, awkward, agitated, behavior that borders on misanthropic, when the truth is I’m losing my hearing. I can’t deal with noisy situations and I guess at about half of what most people say to me. Not having Annie nearby to interpret is terrifying. You can’t tell I’m losing my hearing by looking at me.
It seems to me that the issue is more than merely a rush to judgement, it’s a rush to the negative judgment that prevents most of us from moving forward.