Before I start this story, I just want to publicly congratulate my wife Annie, she’s been working very hard on a tightly monitored diet and exercise program, and she has enjoyed great results. She has officially attained a weight she hasn’t seen since before becoming a mother.
There have been a few lessons learned along the way, one of them being exercise equipment. If the price is too good to be true, then it is not good at all.
We were on a budget, so a bike within that budget was purchased and it turned out to be a piece of crap. It was poorly designed all the way through. I’m giving that misaligned front wheel a particularly dirty look. When I was able to hear it from upstairs (I have hearing issues), when I began noticing a perfect looking pile of metal filings underneath the bike, when the exercise bike began sounding like the furnace from the movie, A Christmas Story, we concluded that it was time to retire this thing.
Annie was immensely upset with this situation, but we got a new, better, (and much heavier) bicycle.
Last night I was assembling Annie’s new exercise bike. The first thing I read was, “Note: It is strongly recommended that two or more people (uhm, that would be “persons” thank you) assemble this machine to avoid possible injury.”
“I’ll help!” Annie excitedly chirped.
“Great Hun!” I replied through a strained smile.
For the most part I didn’t really need much help. Annie held a couple things in place as I tightened a bolt here and there. That was it really.
Step 8 was complete: the pedals were installed (we’re getting closer, I can’t wait to drag this heavy and awkward beast down into the basement. Sorry, assembly makes me grumpy) As I am sitting on the floor, reading over how to install the seat, Annie became bored and began turning the pedal on her side. In slow motion, the pedal on my side collided with the back of my upper arm (the really tender part that hurts much more than it should), and left a long scratch down the length of my upper arm.
“Sorry!” she exclaimed, “So sorry! Is it bad?”
“No Hun, it just really hurts. Nothing serious.”
Eventually the bike was fully assembled, I dragged the bike downstairs. That part where the pedal hooked my leg and nearly pushed me down the stairs was awesome! Great rush!
I smiled as I watched Annie do a victory lap while thanking me over and over. I went back upstairs and stood in front of the mirror, inspecting the scratch along the back of my arm, I thought about the instructions,”Note: It is strongly recommended that two or more people ( grr. It’s “PERSONS”!) assemble this machine to avoid possible injury.”
Screw you instructions! My assistant is the reason I had an injury!