Here is the transcript from a Super Bowl LI Commercial for Audi: “What do I tell my daughter? Do I tell her, her Grandpa’s worth more than her Grandma? That her Dad is worth more than her Mom? Do I tell her that despite her education, her drive, her skills, her intelligence, she’ll automatically be valued as less than every man she ever meets? Or maybe, I’ll be able to tell her something different.” I was a little angry after…
“Hmm. What’s this? The Finding Dory Memory Match Game. Say! We got that for the girls for Christmas. I have not yet played it with them.” I looked over at Reggie, she seemed pretty bored, and she’s always trying to insert herself into games. “Why Not?” I thought to myself. “Wanna play the Finding Dory Memory Game?” “Yeah!” “All Right!” I dumped out the box. Seventy-Two pieces? Yeesh. “Well here we go!” Regina Loves helping, but even by toddler standards,…
I could hear the stairs creaking. There was a small visitor approaching. She rounded the corner, it was Regina. “Oh! Hi Daddy!” She froze. “Hey Hun!” “Reggie! Did you wander upstairs?” Annie appeared next to Reg. “Dad…Daddy has cream on his face.” “That’s shaving cream.” “Oh.” She then noticed the razor in my hand. “Daddy’s gonna brush his teeth.” “No, he’s about to shave.” “He’s gonna shave his teeth?” Annie laughed. “No, he’s going to shave his face and get…
“Daddy? Can I tell you something?” “Sure Hun.” “Your Dad Joke, where you call Shampoo, poo is actually kinda funny.” “You think so?” “Yeah! ShamPOO. Get it?” “Yeah. I’m glad you get it. That is pretty funny. Isn’t it? Perhaps we really should call it poo for short?” “No! I still don’t want people to think I rub poop in my hair!” I smiled and topped off my coffee (Oh my sweet little daughter. Truth is, you have had poop…
Anyone who lives in Wisconsin knows all about winter clothing, specifically, how easily paired-items such as gloves and mittens can be broken up and the frustrations that follow. When it comes to children, multiply those factors by ten. My youngest daughter is a defiant creature. Madness and mayhem are things that she not only embraces but she is a force multiplier as well. There are times where her logic is boggling, even after you take into consideration that she is…
“Self…” I said, “I think I’ll have an ice cream sandwich.” “Good idea!” I replied, “You had a rough day. You earned it!” I opened the freezer and a box of waffles flew out at me, I had a ninja-like reaction and managed to catch the entire box, and I managed to catch the two or three waffles that began sliding out of the box. “Have a waffle too while you’re at it.” Annie mumbled over her shoulder as she…
Yesterday was a bad day of parenting. Yesterday I began getting close to a snapping point. Yesterday was a holiday. Yesterday’s holiday meant no school, which meant I was stuck alone with the girls on a crappy, sleety day in winter. I couldn’t kick Lyd out of the house to play in the snow. Yesterday we were all trapped in the house. I managed to survive Christmas Break. I managed to survive school getting out early due to weather. I…
I pulled Lyd out of bed, “Good morning Bug! We need to get you cleaned up for school! Instead of Shampoo, I think I’ll shorten it to ‘poo’. From now on, you can tell people you rub poo in your hair every morning.” “No! They’ll think I’m talking about poop!” “Poop? That’s disgusting Lydia! It’s not poop. It’s poo.” I brushed out another bedhead snarl loose “Eww! That’s gross Daddy.” “What’s so gross about poo? Millions of people rub poo…
Something told me I needed to head off to the Baby Store, so off I went…and there was my former self circa 2009. “Welcome to the Big-Box Baby Store! You’ve been browsing here an awful lot lately, haven’t you?” “Well yeah…Annie’s due in five months.” “Yeah…you’re going to procrastinate on putting together the crib and changing table anyway. Are you nervous?” “Not yet, I don’t think it’s sunk in yet.” “I remember you back then. You actually are more than…
She poured us a second glass of wine. I said something that made her laugh. Her laughter caused me to laugh. After a third glass of wine, after we split a cider, and then split another cider…the funny part of the night was over. We had crossed over to hilarious! The slightest twitch of my face was causing her to produce guffaws, lightly seasoned with snorts. The new year was just about an hour away. Younger, thinner versions of us…