Annie came storming into the living room. She was on a roll and would not be stopped. “I have Christmas Cards.”
“Great!”
“Wrapping Paper.”
“Is it pretty?”
“No, it looks like a dead raccoon.”
“Nice.”
“I’ve got gifts for…” Her voice trailed off. A link popped up on my phone about Tyrannosaurus Rex. “Which leads me to you.” (Me? Oh crap. What did she say?)
“Here I am!”
“No dummy. What do you want for Christmas?”
“Oh! I gotta think about that. Can I talk to you later about it?”
“Don’t forget to think about it. Why are you staring at your arm?”
“I just read that those little tiny arms on the T-Rex are approximately the same length as an adult human arm.” I tucked in two of my fingers to mimic a T-Rex Hand. Then I roared at her with what I felt was a spot-on impersonation from the Jurassic Park movies. Annie rolled her eyes and went to bed.
What do I want for Christmas? More often than not I have at least a couple of ideas bouncing around in my head. Not so much this year.
The next morning, there was a pile of ripped open boxes stacked by the backdoor. Cleverly wedged here and there among this ungainly thing were discarded bottles, and coupon ads from Thursday’s paper. A literal homage to the veritable Honey-doo list.
I dutifully carried it all out to the recycling bin.
Later that day, I noticed a UPS truck pull up and ring the doorbell. I watched him with unjustified paranoia through my window blinds. After he left, I stepped out and inspected the package. It had Annie’s name on it. Of course it did. All the packages have Annie’s name on them. I don’t get Nuthin’ fun.
Just as I began lifting the package up to bring it inside, a FedEx Truck pulled down our street. I scampered inside and closed the door (again, with unjustified paranoia). Our house…again? Did these guys high five each other a block from my house?
The doorbell rang again. I laughed derisively. Yeah, as if I’m actually going to fall for that? I don’t think so! For the record, I drank an awful lot of coffee that day. After he disappeared around the corner I (more hurriedly this time) grabbed the second package.
I emailed Annie, “Two packages arrived.”
“Don’t open them.”
“Why not?”
“ . . . “
“Fine.”
It turned out to be just boring stuff: dresses for the girls, a cookbook, a gift for someone who was not me. Meh, whatever.
Last night, there was another pile, pretty much the same size as the pile from the other day, next to the backdoor again. Ugh.
Thanksgiving is over. Black Friday has happened, Cyber Monday has happened. The Amazons (packages) are invading. It will be like this for weeks. Box after box showing up every day, boxes for me to haul out to the recycling bin. Except now the girls are wise to it. “Daddy! Daddy! Don’t throw it out yet. I need to make a car with it.”
Reg talked over Lyd, “I want to make a robot.”
“With one box?”
A lightbulb appeared over Lyd’s head, I immediately regretted my question.
“Say! Are more boxes going to show up?”
I stared at her, it was obvious where this was going. There are going to be a dozen boxes laying all over the place as Lydia and Reg struggle to assemble their robot. Ugh, the mess. But, I won’t lie. I kinda want to see this robot. I bit my lip. “Yes. My laptop was smoldering when Mommy finally closed all seventy-three Amazon tabs. There, will, be, more boxes.” I replied, my eyes fixed on the ceiling.
“Yay!”
“Yeah….yay. Anyway, if you finish your suppers without complaining tonight, I’ll have a whole sheet of bubble wrap for you to pop.”
“Yay!”
So, here I am. Anticipating a living room infested with empty boxes. Lydia was pushing Reggie around the room with that one. I have yet to see this robot. Heck, they are happy simply sitting in it while watching TV.
I’m betting we can save a boatload of money if we simply ordered empty boxes.
“So, have you thought about what you want for Christmas?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Your car needs new tires. I’d like to get a new hair catcher for the shower drain.” She was rejecting them all. “A Ferris Wheel?”
“You are scared of Ferris Wheels. Come on Hun, I need an answer.”
“How about a Home without empty boxes?”
She pondered that, “I wonder what the going price is for a Ferris Wheel.” She smiled.