I grunted in frustration. The small red track that drops the marble into the bathtub wasn’t snapping nicely into place. I nearly had it in when the rubberband powered stop sign struck the boot, which kicked the bucket that dumped the marble onto the crooked stairs.

“Hey! Stop that.” I told her. She reached out and grabbed the marble before it reached the long red track. I went on, “Patience! Seriously!! Let’s finish getting this whole thing set up, then we can watch it from beginning to end.” I stared her down, willing her with my glare to sit tight for a few more minutes, “Okay?”

“Fine.” She sat back, pouting.

I rolled my eyes and referred back to the instructions. The game I was assembling was Mousetrap. For those who are unfamiliar, it’s a classic board game, dating back the 1960s. It’s reminiscent of those old Rube Goldberg Machines. My grandparents had it, and it was always a treat when they pulled it out. I sometimes have to remind myself that is actually a board game. I never played the game, I only played with the game. Has anyone ever actually played it? Show of hands! Who has PLAYED Mousetrap? I had plenty of joy simply watching it in action. Regardless, as I pulled it off the store shelf to show Annie, the memories of bowl cuts, scratchy sweaters, and corduroy pants were hitting me hard.

“Ooh! The girls ought to Love this!” Annie replied. “And it’s on sale!”

I smiled back, “I’m glad you and I are on the same page with this one! Grandma and Grandpa had this game back when I was little.”

“When I was little, I had a friend who had the game. She never wanted to set it up. ‘It never works right!’ She said.”

“So, we’re getting it?”

Annie smiled, “Sure!” so into the cart it went.

Back at Home…

Okay, the bathtub has been installed. Next, we need the diving board, and the diver. I stole a glance back at my audience, her eyes were fixated on my progress, occasionally breaking away to peek at the instructions, “Are you excited?” I asked.

“Yeah I’m excited!”

“Great! We’re almost done!” When assembling a thing like this, an audience only makes it worse. Especially an over-eager audience that wants to see it in action before it’s even completed. I was doing everything I could to keep that audience engaged enough to not touch the thing while I’m still working on it, and to please, stop, “helping”.

My excited and bright keep-her-engaged persona disappeared quickly as I gave a warning grumble when she went to reach for a part. There are a few things I have learned about being a Dad at Christmas. First, come armed. You will need two or three small screwdrivers, you’ll be grateful if you bring along a pair of side-cutters for the zip-tied toys. A pair of industrial grade scissors (if you can prune small branches with those scissors, perfect!), might be your most used item. You will need those scissors for the blister-packed toys and for those strange ties they use for some dolls. You will also need a good old-fashioned pocketknife. Next, you will need a variety of batteries. And of course, garbage bags (Dad points awarded if you go all-out and get a contractor’s bag). Reading glasses help, at least if you’re in your forties. Do NOT throw out the packaging until full assembly has been attained! You’ll need that picture for reference. I really can’t stress that enough. If you are visiting for the holidays, bring along empty boxes to carry the gifts back out to the car at the end of the day. Not last, and not least, you will need patience. You will need lots of patience. There is nearly always someone lingering, vibrating with anticipation, breathing over your shoulder, silently going crazy at how deliberately slow you appear to be going at assembling a toy.

Did I seem oddly specific just now?

Finally, before you get too annoyed with your audience, pause to take a long look at that audience. Think about why he or she matters. Allow a smile to slip through and be thankful to be blessed with an audience. Be thankful to be blessed with the opportunity to spend the holidays with those you Love. Never forget your blessings. Always always always remember that there are those who would give a tooth just to hear the voice of a Loved one this time of year, and, in many unfortunate situations, all times of the year.

I Love my little audience, and I feel pretty Loved by her.

“Can I do it the first time?” She asked. (Love her, even when she is testing your patience, especially when she is testing your patience)

I rolled my eyes, I think this was the third time I answered that question. She didn’t even put up any variations in her wording, so I didn’t alter the wording of my third response, “Of course you may do it the first time.” I got back to work, So there’s the washtub, I guess it just sits there. Oh nice! It snaps into place! Where’s that pole that the cage skitters down to catch the mouse?

Suddenly that spring loaded stop sign that starts the whole Goldberg machine went off AGAIN, the boot kicked the bucket again, which caused the marble to start rolling down the stairs…again. “Didn’t I just say something about this like, one minute ago?” my patience was coming close to losing that test I mentioned earlier. She hastily grabbed the marble and made a show of behaving herself this time. I glared at her, “That was it. Give me the marble. You can’t be trusted with that thing until we’re done here.”

“No.”

“What was that?”

“I can be trusted with the marble.” She was wide-eyed, waiting for my reply with eager sincerity.

I took a deep calming breath, “Annie. That was your final warning. If I see that marble one more time, I’m taking it and holding it until the proper moment. Understand?”

“Fine.” She muttered (yep, she was putting on an act). She had to get in one last dig, “But you are going so f…reaking slow!”

“I am so happy the girls are in bed, and not seeing you act this way! Tell you what. Why don’t you pick out the mouse you want trapped while I get the cage balanced.”

“I want the…”

“Blue one. I know.”

For the next two minutes, while I finished assembly, my wife had a blue plastic mouse in one hand, and a steel marble in the other. Very deliberately breathing through her nose.

I passed the patience test. Since we’re on the subject, you should be patient with your kids, as well as . . .your wife.

Merry Christmas everyone. I genuinely wish all of you a wonderful, safe and Merry Christmas.

As always, Love your Loved ones, and be Loved by those who Love you.

“Brooks?”

“Yes! It’s finished!”