With Valentine’s Day fast approaching, this piece of jewelry kept popping up as a suggested ad. “Melt her heart on Valentine’s Day with this keepsake necklace.”
My odd sense of humor immediately decided to read it as literal. I chuckled to myself about giving a gift that would actually melt a heart—horrible gift!
Okay…back to business. This is a possible gift. If not that, maybe it’s something that could get the inspiration going to find something. I’ll click…

I looked it over. My eyebrows scrunched together. My mouth dropped open. I was amazed, I was infuriated. No. No no no. Never in a million years will I purchase anything like this:

“To My Gorgeous Wife,
Without you I am nothing,
With you, I am something,
Together we are everything”

“To My Gorgeous Wife,”
This is possibly the only line worth keeping. Having said that, I might have chosen “Beautiful”. That’s just my taste. “Gorgeous” strikes me as more niche-like as far as attraction goes. “Beautiful” is a more complete description to me. When Annie’s dressed up for a date and wearing a nice dress, she’s gorgeous. When she’s reading a book to the girls, she’s beautiful, when she’s in her flannel pajamas and an old tee-shirt, she’s beautiful. Whenever I look at her, she’s beautiful.

“Without You I am Nothing”
Bull Crap. I was something before I ever met Annie. I am still something. I will always be…something. I do not exist because she does. I am not some groveling Gollum-like creature prostrating myself in front of her. She does not need those affirmations, nor would she ever want those kinds of affirmations. I wouldn’t want to be with Annie if these were the kinds affirmations she would want from me.
If I was nothing, my wife would have never fallen in Love with me. If I am nothing, then my wife would be divorcing me. If I am nothing, that means I have nothing. That means I have nothing to bring to our marriage. Furthermore, my wife would never want me to make myself seem like less simply to make her feel like more.
I hate this line, I hate it passionately and I want to slap whoever thought that a line like that is indicative of a Loving relationship

“With you, I am something.”
My thoughts on this phrase are similar. Of course I am something! This line feels so vague and deflated and lifeless. What else? “Flowers can be orange.”? “Some dogs bark.”?
I did change after marrying Annie. I became a husband because of her, a few years later I became a dad because of her. She inspired me to be a better person. But I never stopped being me.
I’m looking back at that picture of the jewelry, and for some reason my middle finger keeps popping up.

“Together we are everything.”
Sure. I’ll let this one slide. It’s a decent wrap-up. I personally would have written something different…possibly better? But that’s neither here nor there.
Then I thought about targeted marketing. I am a Stay-At-Home Dad. I write about being a SAHD. I follow parenting forums and SAHD forums. When I began this adventure, the ads on my newsfeeds changed drastically. This was certainly a targeted ad.
Most of the time I smile and shrug when I see these things pop up. Sometimes I’ll even click on one if it seems like an item I might be interested in. This ad, was not one of them. I did not click on it for the reasons they intended. I was angered by this product. I was resentful of it.
There are issues and emotions about ourselves that can seep up for Stay-At-Home Parents. It can be easy to feel shame, easy to feel inadequate. There can be a feeling of powerlessness with this gig. The partner is being dynamic; they’re working, they’re earning paychecks. Our partners have set work hours and they interact with fellow adults during those work hours. Meanwhile back at the house, the Stay-At-Home flails. We are winging it. We might have a plan for the day, but a little vomit or a tiny turd on the bathroom floor can throw those plans into a tailspin. You watch your spouse, putting on civilized clothing and taking off every morning and you feel a little dumpy. It’s easy to write yourself off as simply holding down the fort.
As Stay-At-Homes we need to remind ourselves that what we do does matter. The breadwinning spouse would not have clean underwear, the kids would be filthy beasts and the house would be a wreck. I am teaching my children to read, to write, to help out and be a contributing member of our household and ultimately to be good members of society.
Sometimes I need to repeat those reminders to myself all day every day. There are days where the “Inadequacy Demons” follow me from sunrise to sunset.
It’s easy to begin thinking of one’s self as “nothing”.
That is why I resent this piece of jewelry.
I am not nothing without Annie. I am something, she is something, and together we are greater than the sum total.
Perhaps “together we are something greater” would have been a better line. Annie makes me want to be a better person, and I do the same for her. It’s not an ultimatum thing, it’s not about forcing the other to become something or someone different. It’s organic, it’s…Love. I Love Annie so much that I strive to be a better person. We lift ourselves up while being boosted by the other. It’s marriage, it’s Love. To say that I am nothing without her is to say that I bring nothing to our relationship, to our Home….OUR Home. Should something unspeakable happen where I am widowed and raising our daughters without her…our daughters will be counting on me to be more than “nothing”.
I hate this piece of jewelry because it does not celebrate a Loving marriage, it is proclaiming a skewed vision of Love. It is a gift from husband to his wife, and it appears to have been given from a position of groveling and self-loathing.
I have a winning record against those “Inadequacy Demons”. This message is wrong. I am something. When Annie and I are holding hands and facing the world together, we’re simply awesome.