Chapter 1. Relax
Deep breaths, “Okay, well here it goes!” I turned off the van wondering why I was so nervous. “It’s only for a couple of hours, anyone can do most anything for a couple hours. Right?”
I entered the building and pushed the door button, the chime sounded and I heard a lock open up and the door slowly opened (I think I heard a long ominous creak).
“Hey there!” It was Mrs. Karls, “How are you doing?”
“Eh, a little nervous actually. I sign in here, right?”
“Yep. Oh wait! Grab a visitor’s pass too.”
“Oh yes, of course! Thanks, catch ya later!” As I meandered through the halls, I realized I took a wrong turn. “Ugh, okay, (this building is a mouse maze) well I recognize this door, so if I take a left here…and found it, just hitting it from the other direction, that’s all.” I took another deep breath, wiggled out the shoulders…I stepped in and was greeted with a smile.
“Friends! Class!” She clapped five times, they clapped in response, “Kids, this is the special guest I was telling you all about.” Fifteen or so Kindergartners all looked up at me in wonder, a few in recognition, I gave them all my regards, what I was trying to pass off as a warm smile had a hint of nervous in it. I scanned the room, and there she was, hunched over her little project. She looked up with a slightly irked and puzzled expression before brightening up instantly.
“Daddy!” she screamed as she ran straight at me, wrapping her arms around my leg. This prompted a couple other kids to get up and also hug my leg. So far so good, the kids haven’t marched me out of the building yet. Lydia began pulling me toward her work center. “Just a minute Hun! Let me drop off my stuff and get out of my jacket, a few of the boys snickered at the lunch Annie packed for me, or rather the Disney’s Frozen-themed lunchbox Annie chose to use for me (she thinks she’s funny).
Over the next hour or so I followed Lyd around from one Center to another. Activities ranging from counting and addition to vowel sounds and one that was a bit more artistic. Lyd’s teacher, Kerrie, explained how each Center worked and left me to help the kids and she took over another one.
Lesson Learned: Kindergartners aren’t so scary!

Chapter 2. Have Patience
I work very closely with Lydia at Home with her “homework” we have a routine, she knows all about it. My methods with Lyd don’t necessarily jive with other kids. None were familiar, some didn’t take to my “methods”, some took to it pretty quickly, some were simply not in the mood.
They also had little to no problem interrupting. Some kids wandered away from their work centers simply to ask me to help them spell a word. Some came over to give me gifts they made for me. A couple abandoned their Center all together just to interrogate me with pretty personal questions.
Lesson Learned: I need to be more adaptable.

Chapter 3. Let Go Of Yourself
Kerrie clapped five times again, the kids all clapped in response and became 99% more quiet (there’s always that one kid, ya know?) “Friends, go have seats on the rug! Lydia’s Dad is going to read all of you a story now!”
I closed my eyes and worked on my breathing, I figured I’d be nervous, I don’t like speaking to crowds, I think there might be some phobic issues. I had a few crazy and carefree years before settling down into marriage and kids, I never imagined myself reading to a Kindergarten Class. My eyes opened, there were two boys standing directly in front of me. One said, “Are you scared?” The other one said, “Yeah, I think he’s scared.” My eyes widened, “Get Outta Here you little…” I paused, thank God that was internal dialogue!
The book I read to them is a brilliant piece of literature. A book specifically designed for adults to read to children, the best one of its kinds that I have ever come across. I read The Book with No Pictures by B.J. Novak (you know, he was on that show, The Office).
Now…as I was going through my morning routine earlier that day, I had visions of myself totally letting go, deliberately making a complete fool of myself, I was going to have these kids rolling in the aisles peeing themselves from laughter.
The level of my nervousness was higher than I anticipated, and I anticipated a lot of nervous! My hands were actually shaking as I read the book. In the end however, I did not lose. It was not a dud. The kids laughed, they engaged me, they had a good time. Did any of them seize up after wetting themselves from laughter? No…but that’s okay, it was my first time reading to Kindergartners. It was a terrifying experience!
Maybe…I can do it again sometime.
Lesson Learned: Making kids laugh is an incredible feeling

Chapter 4. Does This Come With a Mute Button?
During my school years, the lunch staff were a group of people I was scared of. I always felt a bit like Oliver Twist, “Please sir, I want some more.”
I was always afraid they would blow up at whatever request I made.
And now, I think those fears were actually kinda well-founded. A Kindergarten Mess Hall is the visual definition of controlled chaos. The chatter and shrieking sort of formed into this high-pitched rumble It’s been two days since the experience and I’m still astounded at how they kept everything together. I think I still have a hangover from the experience.

Those lunch and recess staffers—They ride a mean horse.

My hearing issues were a problem during lunch and my brain kicked into default mode and I kind of cruised through lunch, I’m still not entirely certain how it all went down, but at some point I found myself standing in a single file line with Lyd holding my hand. The Recess Lady said “go” and we all marched outside for recess.
About midway through recess I noticed the time. I needed to get back Home where my Mom was babysitting Regina. I gave Lydia a farewell kiss and took off.
The day left me a broken man, it took me two whole days to get these thoughts compiled.
Lesson Learned: I don’t do chaos very well

Chapter 5. I Survived the Ordeal
And every teacher who read that ought to be laughing hysterically at my 150 minute long experience. My little girl, one single, little kindergartner—she can be handled, she can be dealt with, she can be endured.
But get a bunch of Kindergartners together, and a swarming pack mentality kicks in. They have unlimited energy because at least two of them at any given time can be the energy feeder, the one who can jump up and yell “Booboo Butt!” is the one who will get the pack laughing—and energized again.
They are the cutest little sociopaths I have ever met!
Lesson Learned: I’m not as tough as I thought I was

6. What’s Really Going on Here—The Community of Kindergarten
The thing I have come to Love about Kindergartners is their blunt honesty about the people and things around them and about themselves. I have a lot of respect for the learning environment Kerrie has created. These kids have zero qualms about offering help, asking for help, or receiving help from Kerrie, me (at least on that day) or from each other, the latter was the one I found most inspiring.
The reality is, we live in a small town. I know many of the parents of these kids, I grew up with them, in some cases we were troublemakers together. At least a couple of the teachers attended the very school they now work in. These children will not be splitting out into different High Schools spread out across the city, we only have our one little High School. These children will be growing up alongside each other. They won’t be going their separate ways until they are old enough to vote. I look at Lydia and her friend Violet playing together, and I’m guessing that in about twelve years, I’ll be snapping a picture of the two of them in graduation gowns.
It’s reassuring to see a teacher like Kerrie, who is not only teaching our children how to read and write and identify shapes and colors, but she is also teaching them to be a community. It’s okay to lean on each other, it’s okay to ask for help, and it’s wonderful when you can provide help.

Kerrie pulled me aside, “You’re welcome back anytime!”
I gave a tired non-committed chuckle. I wanted my coffee, I wanted my couch, I wanted to be back at my relatively quiet and peaceful home. I looked out at the kids, at their filthy freshly-licked hands, at their boogery noses, I listened to them shrieking and jumping and creating chaos. I cannot lie to this woman, I need to be upfront and honest and just put it out there,
“Thank You for this opportunity, I would be honored to do this again.”
Lesson Learned: Teachers like Kerrie restore my faith in humanity