Elementary Muckraking

Elementary Muckraking

“Daddy, these pictures look creepy.” “Regina made those pictures, those are pictures of us.” “Wow. I am way better at drawing than she is! There aren’t any arms or legs. What’s what here?” “Those are the eyes and that’s the mouth. Don’t be too quick to criticize Hun. Your pictures were nearly identical to these when you were her age.” “Sorry.” The next day… “Time Out Regina. Now.” I said. “Waaaaaah! I cry Daddy! Look. I cry!” “No need to…

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Happy Seventh Birthday Lyd!

Happy Seventh Birthday Lyd!

Another year has passed; it’s our seventh year as parents. As I write this I keep looking at her past my laptop screen. She’s still happily playing with her doll house with a nature documentary playing in the background (her choice, the apple doesn’t fall far). Once upon a time, a toddler version of this little girl didn’t want much more than to lay down on my chest and have me read The Grouchy Ladybug for the thirtieth time. I…

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Halloween, 2016

Halloween, 2016

He woke with a jolt, having fallen asleep on the couch again. Rubbing his eyes, he quietly cursed at not having the sense to have just gone to bed. As he shut off the television he vaguely noted the rain had set in. He padded upstairs still carrying a cloud of drowsiness around his head. His wife went to bed hours earlier and was deep asleep. He changed into his pajamas in the dark, taking great care to not wake…

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No. Do Not Let Your Kid Interrupt

No. Do Not Let Your Kid Interrupt

I recall my earliest days of parenting, introducing Lydia to coloring books and crayons. She took to them instantly. I would watch her scribble like a maniac. I didn’t bother with teaching her to color within the lines, I’m a cool laid back sort of parent, let that artistic flag fly! I regarded it as a non-conformity sort of thing. A couple years later I learned the actual reasons for coloring within the lines and it has nothing to do…

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“Practical” Matters

“Practical” Matters

“You’re going to throw a party for me?” “Yes we are…for your seventh birthday.” “But that’s not for months.” “I think your concept of time is…well, not skewed so much as it’s striking me as age-appropriate.” (Think about it, fifteen minutes is an eternity for these things! I mean, children.) Annie spoke up, “Lyd, you turn seven in two weeks.” Her eyes grew (she’s not entirely sure how long two weeks is) She gasped, (nope, “two weeks” is an abstract…

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Taking Baby to the Store for the First Time

Taking Baby to the Store for the First Time

From Facebook, November, 2009 People who bring their dogs with them to Petworld must have the same feeling of legitimacy that I feel bringing Lydia to Babies R Us Upon entry, we nearly held Lyd up for the store to see her. “Look here! We have a baby. Last time we were here we did not have a baby. But now we do have a baby. Make way for a proud Mama and Papa! Coming through! See? See? We have…

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Daddy! Pwobwem!

Daddy! Pwobwem!

“Daddy! Pwobwem!” (interpretation: Father, I feel the urge to bring an issue to light) “What’s the problem Hun?” “Everything is no-no.” (interpretation: It seems to me that I am denied access to virtually everything I express interest in) Did my two-year old daughter just call me out to a Come To Jesus Meeting? Outside of a suppressed smile, I honestly did not have an answer to give her. She looked hilarious. She was serious, there was no hint of a…

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Saying Goodbye at an Airport

Saying Goodbye at an Airport

Four days ago, I dropped my entire family off at the airport. I left my family’s lives in the hands of a pilot and a co-pilot, two individuals I have probably never met and who I will probably never meet—two strangers. It’s an odd thing to truly think about. Who knows what they left at Home? Who knows what they were carrying with them? Do they have kids? Is one of those kids in crisis? Drugs? Bad Grades? Puberty? Did…

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But at Least We Stuck the Landing!

But at Least We Stuck the Landing!

This morning was going perfectly. Lyd was ready and was enjoying her morning free-time. Regina had not yet taken off her shoes and socks, it was looking like it was going to be a great bike ride for the girls to school this morning. All we have to do is be out the door at 7:45. Then… 7:30am “Lyd? What’s this in your backpack? Is this Homework? Whiskey Tango Foxtrot!” “What’s ‘Whiskey Tango Foxtrot’ Daddy?” “I’ll tell you when you’re…

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Lydia Wrote Up a Test for Me to Take

Lydia Wrote Up a Test for Me to Take

This morning Lydia wrote a “test” for me. Here it is: “A test? Okay. Just so you know, I didn’t really study for it, so please consider that in the curve. Okay?” “Sure sure, I’ll help you with the tough ones. So, here’s what you do. You need to look at the word and tell me what it is.” “Okay…so where’s the word?” “It’s not a written word silly.” “Uhm…but I’m supposed to read this?” “Oh, that’s not such a…

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