“Knee High by the Fourth of July” is an old saying regarding the status of corn during the growing season.
The Fourth of July feels like it was ages ago and I’m not entirely sure I could reach up to touch the top of the corn stalks right now. The rainy season of June and July has wrapped. The glorious green of south central Wisconsin is beginning to fade and yellow under the relentless sun of August.
Soon we will be hearing the beautiful rumbling of school buses, followed by…silence!
Soon, with my hands resting on my knees, I will be handing off our stir-crazy children to their teachers. Finally! The girls will get to spend some time with persons who are actually technically qualified to spend time with them!
But things need to happen first. Terrible perilous things.
Right now we’re driving down Fury Road—only it’s with shopping carts.
“Stay back here, I’ll go in.” Annie said.
“BUT I WANT TO GO WITH MOMMY!”
“Girls!” I closed my eyes, I gritted my teeth, my fist clenched as I gathered myself back together. It had been a brutal day, it was bright, hot and without shade. I was tired of blacktop. I was tired of being in the city, I wanted to be back Home in my quiet little small town. I was tired of traffic. I was tired of the jumping and the yelping and the swarming attitude the girls were having that day. Regina had nearly knocked over a rack of clothing. Lyd kept moping. Neither was on their best behavior. I pushed all these frustrations back down, determined to not make a scene. I went on, “Girls, it’s actually looking a little dangerous out there. I want you both to stay back here with me, each of you, keep one hand on the cart. If you let go of this cart, a puppy will die.” Regina looked alarmed. Lydia rolled her eyes (seriously? I wasn’t expecting eye-rolling for another four years!) I continued, “Mommy will be quick,” Annie and I exchanged glances, “I hope”. Annie nodded and proceeded forward with the grim determination of a gladiator. I watched in horror as Annie brutally elbowed her way in between two other broad-shouldered, dangerous looking Moms. She planted herself in front of a bin full of notepads and fished out six—each of them different colors. Then she jostled her way to another bin full of folders. I felt exasperated as I watched a Mom park her cart in the middle of the aisle, effectively pinning Annie in. Annie turned around, sighed loudly in frustration and pushed the cart aside causing that Mom to give her a dirty look. Annie grabbed a tube of glue off of a shelf and held it up like a middle finger as she walked away from the bad cart-parker.
“Daddy? What is this for?”
I took a quick glance, “It’s a yoga mat Sweetie. It’s a pad you lay out and you do yoga exercises on them.”
“Oh. Then what are these?”
“Wrist weights.” I had an eye on Annie, willing her to avoid the generic pencils. While I’m not one to bypass a couple of saved dollars, Ticonderoga is one of those brands where it really is worth it in the end. “That’s my lady!” I murmured, watching her grab a box of Ticonderogas. “Mmm. New pencil smell!” I thought.
“Why do people use wrist weights?”
“For the same reason they would use barbells.”
“What are barbells?”
“Heavy things for exercising.”
“Exercising?”
(Good, Annie’s getting the 64 box of crayons)
“Yes Sweetie. Exercising.”
“What is exercising?”
I rolled my eyes (maybe that’s where Lyd learned it), “Regina? Are you telling me that you do not know what exercise is?”
“I know what exercise is.”
“Is there a reason why you are asking me a question that you already know the answer to?”
“No.”
Despite my frustration, I smiled, “Just taking up time are we?”
“Yeah.”
She began wandering away to study the wrist weights (Oh great, it looks like a puppy just died!) I went on, “There are better ways to do that Hun. I will answer any question you may have, but you need to hold up your end of this bargain by asking me thoughtful questions. Questions that you do not have the answers for.”
“Okay Daddy. What are those?”
(Ugh) “What do you think they are?”
“Water Bottles.”
“Correct. Remember that talk we had a few seconds ago?”
“No I don’t remember. I was busy. I was looking at water bottles.”
“Of course you were.”
“Holy cow! It’s brutal out there!” Annie returned flustered, a little sweaty.
“I know. I was watching you.”
“It’s pretty picked over, but I knocked a few more items off the list.”
“And you got Mutha-Effing Ticonderogas. You liked that?”
“Yeah!” She replied distantly. She stared at her phone, “It says here we need a set of colored Sharpie Markers.”
I looked incredulous, “For which one?”
“The big one.”
“Thank goodness! I can’t even imagine what twenty some-odd 4K-ers would do if they were each armed with a pack of sharpies!”
Backpacks were also on our minds, but on a back burner, we could make do with what we had. Lyd’s backpack was still in pretty good shape. She could probably squeeze another year out of it. Regina’s backpack was a point of unspoken concern. She already had a backpack, it was a gift, a huge gift. Huge in that Regina herself could probably crawl inside it and no one would notice. That thing would be awkward for her.
Something abruptly changed with Annie. She suddenly pounded forward with the three of us following. She reminded me of a terminator. She saw a sign that read “Clearance”. I pictured her with a glowing red cyborg eye focusing on the sign. She could not be stopped. Well, there was one thing that could stop her—me. It still won’t be easy.
“Annie?” She kept walking. “Annie?”
“What?” She asked, not looking back, still walking.
I rolled my eyes (yep, Lyd definitely learned it from me), this required something more powerful. “Wow! These are only seven dollars?” She stopped and slowly turned around to see me and the girls staring at a rack of backpacks. Small ones, Reggie-sized ones. They were simple in design, just two pockets. It will be easy to find that mummified apple core in two months! I turned and smiled at Annie, “And she has returned to us! Check it out! These things are on sale!”
“I like this one!” Reg yelled, pointing at an understated unicorn pattern (as if a unicorn pattern could be understated).
Annie smiled, “All right! Toss it in. That wasn’t on today’s agenda, but there it is! Good find Hun!” I made a dumb looking smile, the same kind of smile you’d find on a Yellow Labrador Retriever. I was happy to have done more than keep the kids wrangled. Minutes later, Annie tore into the clearance rack and walked away with just a tee shirt. She fell in alongside me, we were watching the girls holding hands, struggling to only walk on the black floor tiles. They’ve been driving us crazy this summer, but not deliberately. They really are little sweethearts. She suddenly broke up my thoughts, “The list is finished!”
“Serious?”
“Yes!” She checked herself, trying not to shout in the middle of the store.
“Woohoo!” We bumped knuckles.
It was then that Lydia turned around, “Mommy? Daddy? I’d like a new backpack this year.”
“Aaaaand the list is NOT finished!” Annie shouted, unchecked, in the middle of the store.
It appears a certain someone was a little jealous of a certain little sister getting a brand new backpack. I looked at Annie, nodding my head. You never say “at least it’s not raining.” while camping; you never say “the list is finished!” in the middle of the store. Nice going Lady Jinxalot.
“I want a pink one with big pictures. One that makes a statement!”
“Like ‘my eyes are going to get diabetes if I stare at this too long’? How’s that for a statement?” Annie’s sharp elbow found my ribs
I can almost hear those buses rumbling.