A couple days ago, Lydia hurt a friend’s feelings by telling her friend that she likes a different friend more than her.
That is an awkward sentence.
Here’s a summary: Lyd told Friend A that she likes Friend B more than Friend A. Friend A had hurt feelings over it.
After a brief intervention from their teacher, Lydia was in tears and was sob-croaking out her apology.
Our daughter has a sweet and Loving heart and I am absolutely certain she would never do or say something to deliberately hurt another. As much as I Love her, I also know that she can say some pretty dumb things when she feels like she is under pressure and I’m guessing the words jumped out of her mouth before her brain could grab them.
The heads-up I got from her teacher sparked a brief pre-bedtime discussion with Lyd about what had happened (and it re-started the waterworks. Whoops). We talked to her about an art that she has yet to develop about thinking before speaking, we also talked about figuring out different ways to say something. We revisited the Golden Rule, we talked about friendship and Love. Despite the reinvigorated tears, our intentions were made—Lyd went to sleep thinking over what had happened (or not…she might have been thinking about how a rainbow can come out of a unicorn’s butt, she’s seven years old after all). I’d like to think she was pondering her friend and what had happened.
Every morning, as part of her getting-ready-for-school routine, I read off a list of affirmations that Lydia repeats to her reflection. I was inspired to do this after watching a YouTube video of a Mr. Ron Alston and his little daughter. I’ve since heard that I am not the only Dad who watched the video and decided to go through daily affirmations with their own children.
To Ron Alston, the world needs more trendsetters like you. Thank You for the inspiration.
The list Lydia and I do is similar, just a little more tailored to Lydia’s circumstances. The entire thing is finished off with two questions followed by answers.
Question: What do you do when you see someone fall?
Answer: I help them up.
Question: What do you do when you fall?
Answer: I get back up.

Normally this whole thing is followed by a hug and a kiss, and me telling her to run back downstairs to look at her morning checklist.
This morning, as I was reading off the affirmations and thinking about what had happened with her and her friend, something occurred to me. The seven-year-old brain is a very literal thing, sometimes it’s hilarious, other times it can be devastating. As much as I tell Lydia to think about how she says something, I was suddenly thinking about my own words as well.
I decided to have a brief discussion of that first question.
“Lyd, you do realize when I ask that question about seeing someone fall, that it isn’t necessarily about someone literally, or actually falling. Right?” She looked perplexed. “Okay, someone can fall in the heart and mind as well. Yesterday, your words hurt your friend’s feelings. Her heart fell. Lydia…your friend fell yesterday.” Lyd’s eyes widened at the realization. “Now, let’s go over that question again. What do you do when you see someone fall?”
“I help them up.”
“Your friend fell. You need to help her get back up. Do you have a plan?”
“I should talk to her and tell her I’m sorry.”
“That’s always a great start. But you never give an apology if you don’t mean it. Are you really sorry?”
With her chin touching her chest, she mumbled, “Yes.” Then she looked up, “I didn’t mean it! I saw a poster once that told me to taste my words before I spit them out.
“That’s good advice. Did you do that yesterday?”
Chin to chest again, “No.” Again, she perked up, “If I get ready in a hurry, I’ll have extra free time before school. I’ll write a card! With a flower inside a heart.”
Yesterday, her friend’s mom was happy to report that all had been forgiven. Yesterday’s drama is over. I can’t wait to see what tomorrow’s drama will be.
Sometimes, perhaps often, I miss being seven. Feelings are all still so raw, so at the surface, and instant. Personal inhibitions are still being refined. Eloquence? That’s a later chapter. Straightforward brutal blunt honesty is the rule of the day. One can offend and be forgiven within two breaths. There’s a simplicity there that begs the question, why do we grow up?