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Category: Humor

Brushing Up on Ridiculous Plans

Brushing Up on Ridiculous Plans

“All right girls! Your toothbrushes are getting frayed and nasty.” Annie announced as we entered the dental hygiene aisle. “That’s because Reggie chews on hers.” “I do not!” “That’s beside the point. It’s time for new toothbrushes. Pick them out.” “I want Star Wars” Lyd replied. “That’s a two-pack. We need a single…aaaand every toothbrush here comes in two-packs.” Annie took a deep breath and turned to Regina, “Reggie? Are you okay with Star Wars?” “I want My Little Pony.”…

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Thoughts On Children’s Programming

Thoughts On Children’s Programming

I was recently watching a kid’s show with Regina called “Team Umi Zoomi”. These kids and their robot friend run around performing heroic deeds using math, geometry and pattern recognition. One of the characters is Dormouse, (actually he’s “Door Mouse. It’s a play on words- he is in charge of all the keys that open doors). You could say he’s in charge of security for Umi City and he can be a stickler for rules (as any chief of security…

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Essential School Supplies–Underwear

Essential School Supplies–Underwear

We have survived the ninth day of school. This is a significant day. “Holiday” isn’t the word I would use for this day. “Anti-holiday” maybe? It is nationally recognized, almost never advertised, it is privately acknowledged, it is certainly not celebrated. I call this day “Oh S#%T! There is not one single clean pair of underwear in this house!” day. Two weeks ago was the first day of school! The girls had bright shiny backpacks, sharp crayons and pretty dresses….

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A Tale of Two Forts

A Tale of Two Forts

The school morning drill was a success, I had both girls cleaned, dressed, combed and eating their breakfasts in under forty minutes. “Like riding a bike.” I thought. But now, there is a daunting amount of day ahead of us. I had pretty much given up on keeping them interested. My bag of summer activity ideas had been empty for over a week. The engine and rudder are out, we’ll be coasting into this port. Then Reggie spoke, “I have…

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Creating Order by Embracing Chaos-Regina’s Fifth Birthday

Creating Order by Embracing Chaos-Regina’s Fifth Birthday

“Brooks, look at this.” Annie held out the baby monitor for me as I slipped on my reading glasses. Regina had not fallen asleep yet. She had a different plan–She ALWAYS has a different plan. She was right up close up to the camera, struggling to maintain her balance as she wrestled her body into a pair of footie pajamas that were much too small. Something like this happens nearly every night. We tuck her in and have the following…

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Two For Flinching, Hugs For Crying

Two For Flinching, Hugs For Crying

Annie has been spending an awful lot of time in the kitchen lately making jam for her budding business. My primary job is to keep the girls out of the kitchen. I’ve been in the living room with them, playing the part of a hockey goalie; blocking the kitchen entry way, bouncing them back into the living room, doing my best to keep the girls from being underfoot as Annie walks around with racks of boiling hot jars. Earlier this…

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One Does Not Simply Walk into a Store (and Stick to the List)

One Does Not Simply Walk into a Store (and Stick to the List)

“Knee High by the Fourth of July” is an old saying regarding the status of corn during the growing season. The Fourth of July feels like it was ages ago and I’m not entirely sure I could reach up to touch the top of the corn stalks right now. The rainy season of June and July has wrapped. The glorious green of south central Wisconsin is beginning to fade and yellow under the relentless sun of August. Soon we will…

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Unsolicited Advice Part Two–Strollers

Unsolicited Advice Part Two–Strollers

I have some wonderful news! I’ll be getting my basement back! And you my friend, will be getting a lot of sh…shtuff. You can do whatever you want with it all. If nothing else, the strollers will give you an opportunity to test out a few models for free. Free is good. Strollers are pricey, and frustrating if it turns out to be one you don’t like. Strollers are a big deal. This will determine the baby’s comfort and (arguably…

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Unsolicited Advice Part One–Poop and Related Topics

Unsolicited Advice Part One–Poop and Related Topics

“You don’t need drugs when you have a kid. You’re awake, you’re paranoid, you smell bad, it’s the same thing!” -Robin Williams, Live at the Met I recently received the wonderful news that a couple friends of ours will be having their first baby. I laughed a bit to myself as I thought about all the new and…interesting things they will be experiencing. I began thinking about all the things I wish I was told back when Lydia was born….

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Hummus is not Worm Poop, Nor is it a Ghost

Hummus is not Worm Poop, Nor is it a Ghost

“Okay! I have my tools packed, my laptop, coffee, water. I have my reading glasses, wristwatch and favorite pen. I’m ready to go to work. Something’s missing…food. I’ll be a raging monster if I don’t eat something at work.” The word they use these days is for what would happen to me if I don’t eat would be “hangry”. I think it’s a delightful word, sums things up perfectly…but I’m not yet ready to use it in written form. It’s…

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